


you are the reason

by gleekischic



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Flashbacks, Post-breakup, brittana, brittany is still in love with santana, canon ish, implied quinntina, implied samcedes, kinda sad tbh, quinntana, santana is also still in love with brittany, what if santana and quinn didn’t hook up in i do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:46:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27788467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleekischic/pseuds/gleekischic
Summary: what if santana and quinn never hooked up at mr schue and emma’s wedding? basically i do but better and if the writer’s actually cared about continuity.
Relationships: Quinn Fabray/Santana Lopez, Santana Lopez/Brittany S Pierce, sam evans/brittany s pierce
Kudos: 16





	you are the reason

**Author's Note:**

> i’m sorry this isn’t amazingly written, and the perspectives and tense get muddled up a bit. i’m not an author i just want somewhere to project my headcanons. the title comes from calum scott’s ‘you are the reason’. also i do not own any of the characters in this fanfiction, they belong to fox and ryan murphy and stuff.

this is bullshit. she used to look at me like i was the only person in this stupid world she cared about and now, she looks at me as if i'm just some other rando she went to high school with. and him. he just won't leave her damn side. if he doesn't leave her alone soon, so i can talk to her, i will punch him in his obnoxiously large mouth. hard. he won't stop grabbing her waist and touching her arm, almost like he's staking his claim and i can't help but be reminded of a time when that was us.

...

"santana! come on the party's in like 25 minutes we need to gooooo." brittany drawled out as she threw herself back, dramatically, on the bed. "why does it take you so long to get ready? you're beautiful as it is now come ON."

"britt, baby if that's your way of like trying to sweet talk your way into getting me to hurry up? you're gonna need to try harder." santana said sarcastically, half joking.

"santana lopez. you are the most annoying person i have ever met."

"but you love me so it's okay."

"you're right, i do. still annoying though."  
-

when they finally arrived in rachel's basement, after many dramatics and complaints from santana, sam walked over to greet them. he looked to see what they were wearing, his eyes lingering just a bit to long on brittany for santana's liking, leading her to grab brittany by the waist, muttering an angry little "mine." under her breath.   
"what was that, santana?" sam questioned, seeming genuinely curious.  
"oh, uh, i said hi, trouty mouth, how has your day been?" 

"it's been great santana, how was you-" 

"okay that's great!, i'm gonna go talk to some people i actually tolerate now, k?" santana snarked back, tugging brittany with her to go greet the troubletones, before going and saying hi to rachel, quinn and the rest of the glee club.

the whole night, santana's hands did not leave brittany's waist, or arm or even hands.  
she was hers, and she could finally show the world. who was she to deny that privilege?  
...

"hello? santana? earth to santana?"

i suddenly realised where i was again and noticed that fabray, of all people, had been the one to awaken me from my daydreaming.  
"hi quinn. and yes, of course you can sit next to me and ramble on about middle aged men and new haven throughout this entire train wreck of a wedding, not like i had anyone planning on sitting by me anyway." 

"well .. did you?"

"...no."

"well then. you need an old friend when you're going through shit like this, now stop being stubborn, move your ass over and let me sit down." 

"what do you mean 'shit like this'? quinn we're at our high school glee club teacher and guidance councillors wedding, not a funeral." 

i followed quinn's eyes across the room as she scoffed, until they landed on the certain blonde i'd personally decided to avoid for the rest of the night.

"come on santana, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to notice that you're still madly in love with her. may i remind you that you're the one who broke up with her. so if you're planning on being a bitch, which, let's be realistic, you definitely are, maybe stop and rethink how she feels right now? you aren't the only one heartbroken here."

i waited a few seconds, or hours, i couldn't tell you, and properly let that sink in.

"dammit fabray i did not think you had it in you. that was actually pretty goddamn smart. you're still wrong on one part though. i would never in a million lifetimes be a bitch to brittany. i care too much about her."

"well then maybe start showing that? speak to her after the ceremony." quinn said, genuinely sounding like santana and brittany's relationship was the most important thing in her world right now.

"no. i am officially boycotting brittany s pierce until she dumps that big lipped loser and comes back to me, her soulmate."

"fine. plan b then. dance with me at the reception. flirt with me. that'll make her jealous. if you can't beat em'.." she said with a shrug and a smirk.

"but i don't want to hurt her. she gets jealous pretty easily, quinn." 

"honey. she's the one in the relationship here. if she gets upset that's on her."

"what happened to us not being bitches?" i laughed, suddenly shutting up and zoning out as mr schue started singing a really overdramatic song about cufflinks and suicide notes or something.

...

"hey britt britt. i'm home alone, wanna stay over?" santana said excitedly after brittany picked up the phone, "and no. not like that, we can rent movies and order pizza and stuff my parents won't be back til like 3 in the morning."

"yes! yes yes yes yes yes yes yes what time shall i be there?" brittany replied, basically jumping out of bed. there was nothing she loved more than the times when her and santana could be who they really are, more than just best friends, inside the walls of either one of their houses.

"i mean what would you say if i was, hypothetically, already outside waiting to pick you up?" santana questioned, a smug look on her face.

"i'd, hypothetically, say that you're the awesomest girl in the world and that i've never been as in love with you as much as i am right now." brittany replied, a smile breaking out across her face.

"well i'm hypothetically telling you to get your ass down here right now so i can kiss you senseless."   
-  
"i want pepperoni! i want pepperoni!" britt screamed as she jumped onto santana's lap playfully.

"okay- OKAY baby let me order jesus!" santana replied, pretending to be mad.

"i love you." brittany giggled.

"not as much as i love you. now come on, mamma mia or grease?"

"GREASE GREASE GREASE!"  
-  
"she is soooo hot. she could get it, honestly." santana said, almost drooling, while the 'you're the one that i want' scene was playing.  
brittany stayed silent, her eyebrows furrowing the slightest bit, the same way they did when she got angry.

"what's up my love? hey. britt. you've got your angry face on.. i was kidding." santana sighed, sounding worried. she was met with a rough, but loving kiss.

"aw is someone jealous?" santana said in mock sympathy after brittany finally pulled away.

"shut up. you? mine. ok?" 

...

"emma has left the building." 

what the actual fuck is my life? slowly, row by row, everyone started to filter out of the church. after everyone gathered awkwardly outside, i felt a hand touch my elbow, and as i turned around and saw who it was, my heart stopped in it's tracks. finally, i could fully take in her dress and just.. her, without having to approach her myself. 

"bab- uh brittany? what do you want?" i asked, trying with all my might to keep my voice from evidently showing the pain i was feeling in that moment. 

"we need someone to go and ask mr schuester what happens now. and you don't really care about anyone's feelings.. so i thought maybe, you could?" if anyone else called me out like that i would bitch slap them. but it's britt, and i know she doesn't mean it in a mean way at all, and quite frankly, she's not wrong. quinn realised who i was talking to and looked over at me, mouthing 'bitch. be a bitch.' and as stupid as it sounds, i went along with it. 

"you have no right to say that about me anymore. fine, i'll go, but because i want to, not because you told me to."  
she looked so hurt and it took everything in my power not to kiss her and tell her i was sorry, for everything, and beg her to come back to me because i missed her to the point where it hurt. but i didn't. i didn't tell her that i couldn't listen to fleetwood mac anymore. or taylor swift. or whitney houston. i didn't tell her that certain words and phrases made me sick to my stomach since we broke up, purely because in my head, they belonged to her. i didn't tell her anything. instead, i turned, and walked away, pinning her with an icy glare before i did so. i couldn't let the facade down now.

as i was walking in, i heard someone behind me say "wait, what are they gonna do with the rings?"

rings.

...

"what the fuck do you want hudson. we're finally home for the holidays can you maybe leave me alone for 3 goddamn seconds?" santana snarked into her phone. she didn't know why she acted so bitchy towards everyone, she just couldn't do soppiness. except for with her. her being the girl asleep beside her, so beautiful, her hair splayed out on one pillow, her arms wrapped around her other pillow, which santana honestly really wished was her. she was finally brought back to reality by finn saying "uhh, do you wanna go uhh, shopping? like for our girlfriends? i wanna buy rachel a ring..."

"woah buddy, first of all, shopping? what are you? gay? second of all, a ring? for what, hudson? you planning on proposing?" 

the silence on the other end of the line was deafening. "uhhh.. uh um maybe?" 

"oh fuck ME, hudson. get ready i'm coming to pick you up right now." she said before putting the phone down. why did she have to be the one to look after this man-child?   
she felt brittany stir beside her.   
"who was that?" britt said sleepily, letting go of the pillow and wrapping her arms tight around santana's waist. 

"it was finn, he wants to know if i wanna go shopping with him." 

"ughhhhhhh why can't you just stay here with me. i wanna cuddle you. please please pleaseee. or i could come with you? i don't wanna be apart from you san i'll like explode or something." brittany whined, sounding like a toddler having a tantrum.

"honey, i won't be long i promise you. besides, i need to buy your christmas present so no, you absolutely can not come with, under any circumstances. sorry." she said, attempting to sound mean and failing.   
all of a sudden she felt herself be flipped onto her back, as brittany straddled her waist.

"brittany s pierce. what are you doing? i need to go!" santana said, struggling to sit up.

"you aren't going anywhere! not on my watch! i'll make sure of it!" brittany joked, and started to tickle santana, knowing just how ticklish she was.

"baby stopppppp! i hate you so much i hate you i hate you i hate you!" santana cried breathlessly, laughing uncontrollably as brittany tickled the living daylights out of her.  
-  
"what took you so long? i've been waiting for like a long time?" finn complained after santana finally picked him up to go to the mall.

"you try getting a sleepy britt to let you leave her side. i deserve like, an award or something." 

finn laughed and turned the radio on. valerie was just starting to play and they sang the whole song at the top of their lungs, laughing the entire time.   
when they finally arrived at the mall, santana checked her phone to see three texts from brittany.

mi amor<3  
\- i miss u already. bring snacks back or i will take it into my own hands to lock u out of my house. xxxx britt [12:14]  
mi amor<3  
\- santanaaaaa i miss youuuuu i miss your faceeeee come home 😢😢 [12:22]  
mi amor<3  
\- just ordered pizza <333 so hurry up home or i'll eat yours xxxxx b [12:34]

her heart swelled at the admiration brittany showed for her, and she felt the exact same admiration for brittany. they really were stuck in their honeymoon phase and never coming out. she replied with 'i miss u too baby cuddles when i get back i promise xxx ps pls don't lock me out it's cold i'll bring snacks <33 love u :) santana'

"what the fuck are you smiling at, lopez?" finn teased as she put her phone back in her pocket.

"woah there finny bear. i know you aren't judging me for how in love i am. you are quite literally 17 years old and looking to buy your girlfriend an engagement ring. also i've seen the way you look at berry, it's like she's the only person who exists in this world, it gets very fucking annoying sometimes. don't be homophobic." she teased back as they walked into the jewellery store. immediately they both walked over to the case where the diamond rings were, staring in awe at how pretty they were.  
"why are you looking santana? you planning on proposing aswell?" finn joked and nudged her. 

"no, you dipshit. i have morals, unlike some people. i think i'm gonna get her a promise ring though.. she's my soulmate and i need her to know that i'm not ever leaving her side, not really. and how else to express that huh?" 

"wow. you really are in deep aren't you?"

"the deepest. she doesn't leave my mind for a second, even when i'm asleep. i am gonna marry her one day, but i don't want to push her into anything, or overwhelm her. i feel like i was put on this earth to make her happy, like it's my duty to. so i'm gonna dedicate my life to doing just that. simple." 

"that's exactly how i feel about rachel. just like you and britt, we're meant for eachother. i'm not 100% sure of anything, but i'm 100% sure of that." 

"ew. look at us. what have we let them do to us finn? we're supposed to be badasses, not lovesick freaks. now let's hurry the fuck up and choose these rings because i have pizza and a beautiful girl waiting for me and i'm craving exactly those things. so speed it up hudson."   
-  
after looking for a while, finn let out a gasp as a he pointed at a beautiful ring with a big diamond on it. "it's perfect. this is it this is the one it's perfect." he said, genuinely in awe.   
santana finally found one equally as perfect, but not as dramatic as finn's, after about 10 more minutes. she was going to give it to brittany today. who cares that christmas is like two weeks away. they make their own rules.  
-  
mi amor<3  
\- where are uuuuu, pizza just came so u better be home soon xxx britt [1:27]  
\- i was just about to text you! i'm omw home with snacks now so get comfy and put mamma mia in ready <333 santana [1:28]  
-  
when she finally got back to brittany's, she let herself in and snuck upstairs to britt's bedroom. as she opened the door, brittany squealed in happiness and threw herself at her, kissing all over her face.  
"i missed you so much. you aren't leaving my side now until we have to go back to school." 

"bossy much?"

"you love it."  
-  
about an hour had went by, and santana was stressing the entire time about how she was supposed to do this. what does someone even say when they do these things? but she finally worked up the courage.

"britt britt? i need to go get something from downstairs, will you be okay for 2 minutes?"

"what happened to not leaving my side?"

"i'll be 2 minutes. time me if you want to."

"fine. 1,2,3,4,5..."

santana jumped up off the bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen where she'd left the bag with the ring in earlier that day. she took a second to just breathe,

'come ON santana you can do this. don't be a pussy.'

she finally ran upstairs to hear "99,100,101..."  
she opened the door and slowly walked in, her heart beating extremely fast. 

"what did you go get baby?"

"britt? can i talk to you? it's nothing bad i promise i just... yeah."

"of course you can santana what is it?"

"brittany. you're the love of my life. you know that right?", brittany nodded, looking confused, "well. i don't ever want to go a day without seeing you, without waking up next to you, without kissing you. you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. i don't know where i'd be without you. you've helped me through everything and i'm forever grateful for you. and- i know that we're too young to get married just yet so no, this isn't a proposal, it's a promise. a promise that i am gonna love you until the end of time, a promise that no matter what happens, we will come out on the other side as strong as ever. we're just something else, and i know, more than anything else, that we are meant to be together. so, brittany s pierce... do you promise to marry me when we're old enough? because i for sure do."

she pulled the box out from it's bag and brittany gasped, still not fully caught up with everything that was being said to her.  
"santana... yes. just, yes. i love you so much and i want more than anything in this world to marry you."

"wait, really?"

"yes really, stupid. now let me put the ring on and come over here so i can kiss you."

...

after mr schue told me that we just needed to go on with the reception, i went and delivered the news to everyone waiting. i looked around and met her eyes once again. longing and sad. i didn't want to hurt her, but quinn's plan was to be a bitch, so a bitch i would be. so i shot her a dirty look and walked away to find quinn. i was gonna cuddle up to her all night, and brittany was gonna be jealous.  
-

“i need a fucking drink” i said, after awkwardly dancing around with quinn for a while. i was not gonna be able to do this sober. 

every so often i’d look over and see them. dancing together without a care in the world. it made me sick to my stomach. that. should’ve. been. me. after a few drinks, i draped my arms around quinn and started slow dancing with her. berry and finn were singing a stupid soppy ballad about having tonight or whatever, and it was the perfect moment to make brittany jealous.   
i looked over again, but this time she was looking at me aswell. our eyes locked and my mind filled with memories.  
-

“i wanted to dance with you tonight.”

“so did i, baby.”

“i’m sorry that i’m not ready. i’m sorry for making you wait. i really am. but one day i will be i promise you.”

“santana. listen to me. i will wait forever, because i know, that no matter what happens, we will be together in the end of all this. proudly. i love you more than anything else in this world. we talked about this.”  
...  
santana thought back to earlier on in the evening, at quinn’s mom and stepdad’s wedding, when the music changed from upbeat to slow. brittany had looked at her with so much hope in her eyes, but she just couldn’t. she’d been watching tina and mike dance together all night, imagining what it’d be like if she could be with brittany in that way, and have no one bat an eyelid. 

after shooting brittany an apologetic look, she hurried off to the bathroom to cool off. she could not cry here, quinn would never let her hear the end of it. as she stood in front of the mirror, gripping the edges of the sink for dear life, she heard the bathroom door open behind her.   
“dammit santana what is up with you?” it was tina, but even through her pissed off facade, santana could hear the genuine worry in her voice, “you’ve been staring at mike and i all night, and then you run out of there all suddenly as if you’d seen a ghost. is there anything i can do to help? anything? because you’ve been acting like this all summer, santana, and it’s starting to piss everyone off.” 

“i love her, tina.”

“and by her.. you mean brittany, right?”

santana nodded, unsure on whether telling tina was a good idea or not.

“so that’s why you’ve been staring at me and mike all night isn’t it. you want that with brittany?”

santana broke down in tears and tina immediately rushed over and wrapped her arms around santana’s neck. 

“please don’t tell anyone tina, please. i can’t deal with the consequences. not yet anyway.”, santana said after she pulled away from the long, long hug, “i’m so fucking terrified. i know that the glee club will be okay with it, but that’s different. the whole point of the damn club is to accept others for who they are. but as much as i love everyone in there, i know for a fact that the secret will be out within less than a week. and with people at school, comes teachers, and with teachers comes my parents. what if they kick me out? what if they tell me i’m an abomination or something? i just can’t. i’m not ready yet.” 

after letting santana talk, tina wrapped her arms around santana again, and whispered “i’m not gonna tell anyone. i promise. but just know that i’m so proud of you for finally saying it out loud. now go back out there and reassure her, because you probably really worried her by pulling that shit you just did. okay?”  
...

“tina knows about us.”

“it doesn’t really take a genius honey.” britt replied, resulting in santana tickling her until she quite literally could not breathe. when santana finally stopped tickling her, brittany pulled her close and put her hand on her waist.   
“dance with me?”

-

wennever really lost their ability to talk through our eyes, so when britt gave darted her eyes to the door leading to outside, then back to her, i understood immediately, and whispered something about needing some fresh air to quinn. the bitch facade was too tiring, and i’d do anything to just talk to her again. i went outside and didn’t have to wait long before brittany came out too, and started kissing me like her life depended on it. i kissed back for what felt like hours, when in reality it was only a few seconds. eventually, i pulled away and looked at brittany’s face. she looked like a lost puppy, and all i wanted to do was kiss that forlorn look off of her face. but i couldn’t. we can’t go back to doing that stupid dance we were doing before either of us admitted our feelings for the first time. 

“brittany. you have a boyfriend. what are you doing?” i asked, intending to sound as unbothered as possible, but the quiver in my voice was pathetically noticeable.

“oh please. name a time when that has stopped us before.”

“brittany. this is different and you know it. you’ve moved on, and as much as it hurts, i’ve accepted that i’m not going to get you back. at least not the way i had you before. so please don’t mess that up and confuse everything again, britt. it hurts me too damn much.” 

“remember what i said to you? summer before senior year? that no matter what happens, we’re gonna wind up together in the end? remember when you promised? i still stand by that, santana. please don’t disregard that by doing what i know you’re planning on doing tonight. especially not with her. i love you. i always will.” 

“brittany? are you hearing yourself? you have a boyfriend, yet you’re telling me that i’m not allowed to sleep with someone? we aren’t together anymore brittany. you have no say in what- or who- i do anymore.” 

“oh come on santana. do you really think sam and i are gonna last? sure he’s sweet, and his impressions.. exist. but the only reason we’re together is because we’re both heartbroken, and confused. he’s obviously still hopelessly in love with mercedes, and i’m obviously still hopelessly in love with you. neither me or sam are expecting this to be anything more than a high school relationship. we both know how this is gonna end. i’m not saying you can’t date anyone new, santana, i want you to find someone that makes you happy, but don’t just go throwing yourself around because you’re pissed off at the universe. you broke up with me, remember? you know exactly the type of person quinn is, you’re just gonna end up hurt.” 

“wait. wait wait wait. you’re still in love with me? you don’t really love trouty?”

“um, hello? of course i am. and of course i don’t. there hasn’t been a day that’s went by where i haven’t thought about you. and every time i do, my heart aches. you’re my soulmate, santana. but you said it yourself, long distance doesn’t work. who says we can’t be together after i graduate? when i come to new york?”

“you’re coming to new york?”

“i’m gonna be wherever you’re gonna be, san. so like i said. let it play out. let the universe do it’s thing, and we will be together in the end of all of this. i’m more sure of that than i’ve ever been of anything.” 

britt leaned forward and kissed me once more, and then slipped back inside, back to the party, back to him. only this time, i didn’t feel jealous. my heart didn’t ache. i believed brittany. so when i went back inside and found quinn, i gave her a long hug. i needed it okay? “wanna go upstairs? i booked a room.” quinn flirted, making me feel quite sick. 

“this? us? isn’t happening, i’m sorry q. i just came to the shocking conclusion that i am in fact, still in love with britt. besides, i heard tina’s available, again. tonight’s all about reformations, right?” i teased, looking at kurt and blaine, who were already walking up towards the hotel rooms, and finn and rachel, who were looking at eachother as if they were the only people in the room. 

quinn blushed before mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like “i bet you’re terrible in bed anyway.” and coming outside with me to call a cab. 

after standing in silence for a while, she turned to me and asked;  
“you okay, santana?”  
i smiled a genuine smile, thought back to britt and i’s conversation, and replied;  
“yeah, q, i’m good.”


End file.
